Treading water

Embroidery, Emotional management, Family, Stress, Uncategorized

It has been a while since my last post, frankly because I have been swamped with pain and drama.

On the pain front, I lost sensation in my right hand and have been forking out for physio and massage in order to get things working again. I was almost back to full function when there was a relapse, and I was back to being unable to turn my head to the right.  More massage, which sounds delightful but actually leaves you sore to the very touch.

On the drama front, none of it has been of my own creation but it is within my inner circle and therefore I’ve had to make some response to it. I mentioned previously that my mother had been diagnosed with cancer.  Turns out this was wrong, but on the other hand now she’s had a heart attack.  And the other involved a suicide attempt.  Fortunately unsuccessful.  The person who tried has only told me and while I appreciate the level of trust, it is at the same time a terrible burden.

So with all that, plus work and teaching, I am having a hard time keeping my head above water. I couldn’t care less about work and am wondering how I can structure my life so that I only need do as little as possible, and free up the rest of my time for what gives me energy and delight.

My hand issues have slowed down the embroidery but I am doing bits and pieces in the evenings. This photo is a simple experiment in colour and geometry, variations on circles on a background of chartreuse green wool.

I’ve attempted patchwork.  Not sure if this is really for me but I’m not shutting the door yet.  And on the weekends I have been doing textile related things but not ones that involved fine work.  I made an attempt at wax resist dyeing, but I forgot to add salt to the dye so the result is not going to be stable.  Plus I have discovered it’s a bastard getting the wax out after.

I also tried dyeing some yard with a natural dye.  Epic fail on my part.  I used the ivy trimmings from the garden, as I am constantly needing to stop the neighbours ivy jungle from taking over my place.  It turned green but despite using an alum mordant, both yarns refused to change.  If I was generous I could say that the cream wool turned from cream to a faint yellow.  Certainly there was no colour left in the pot but I am not sure where it went.

It’s probably a bit like my equanimity.

Tortoises and hares

Diabetes, employment, Stress

I was at the bus stop earlier than the rubbish trucks on their weekly rounds, which should give you an idea as to my level of out-of-whackedness.  No one has ever accused me of being a morning person, until now.

It’s clear and cloudless, and in between passing cars, I can hear all the birds. Lovely.  I’d rather be staying here by the side of the road and listening to the birds.  Instead I am on my way to work early to face up to the repercussions of my unexpected resignation yesterday.

i had been quietly weeping at breakfast for the last week, but yesterday, after a broken night (how do new mothers do it????), it became more like a 1 in 100 year flood.  Like a real flood, this left me in need of major reconstruction.

People break at the worst times, and I am no exception.  It’s  14 days to the deadline.  I am not going to be flavour of the month when I show my face today. But am I supposed to sacrifice my health for a poorly planned project? My blood sugars have been consistently above safe and its entirely due to the unrelenting expectations of performance.  They don’t need a human, they need a machine to meet this deadline at the level of quality they want.  Or at the very least a hare.

I’ve always been a tortoise.  I can do sustained intense levels of analytical work at a slower pace.  But this is not a world for tortoises anymore.  Especially not a diabetic tortoise.

So if you happen know of of a nice, slowish pond somewhere in Canberra that’s looking for a new tortoise, drop me line.  I’d love to know.